By Cleopas Ewongo-Etim.
I came back home after my first school leaving certificate examination crying to my parents. They had abandoned me in the hall while other parents waited with their children and aided in writing the exams for them. This was in primary school. I refused to eat the next day because according to my mom, I had assumed that they hated me. My mom narrates this particular incident to me quite frequently. The first time she told me this was before I got admission to Air Force school.
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In my SSS1, I was to write a History Exams and on that morning while waiting for the exams to commence, I saw a paper close to me. It was someone’s History revision paper. I did not throw it out. I actually kept it close to me, marking it and adding more things just in case I will have to refer to some answers. I held on to it, something I had never done. I was going to cheat in that exams.
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Something happened that saved me that day and redirected my path. Air Force has a no-nonsense approach to exams malpractice. The invigilator (a soldier and my class teacher then) came in and while shuffling people and looking around, he saw me with the paper. Let’s just say I was embarrassed publicly, something that still makes me cringe in shame till date. I’m sure Bassey Ibiatisuho and a few of my C class mates will remember this incident. My big salvation came that day.
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During the holidays, I had to tell my mom what happened before she got to hear from other sources. After narrating the incident remorsefully, she looked at me solemnly and said, “We (my dad and her) wanted the testimony of your life and successes to not be tainted by malpractice so that one day, you will be bold enough to demand same from your children and from others”. These words have travelled with me to places I can’t list here.
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My boldness concerning certain things today is not because I am infallible or ‘good’ but because over the years, people kept sharpening my values and building in me resistance against rot and decay. It was not funny or comfortable but I look back and see that it was necessary not just for me but for others. I have had people laugh at me because I refused to partake in certain things or because I miss out on ‘opportunities of a lifetime’ just because I wanted to go at it the right way. Do I regret those, truthfully, sometimes. But whenever I recall my mom’s words to me, I know that the picture is larger than that particular moment.
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My mom has a bookshop in the market. One day in 2016, an army of anti-piracy officers raided the market and every book shop/seller was arrested or closed down, except my mom’s and that of another man. From when she started her business, she vehemently refused to sell pirated textbooks. It cost her market and profits. I never understood her conviction when it meant lesser or no money for her. We needed the money. But she was looking at the bigger picture. This incident made me view her in a whole new light.
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Sometimes it feels silly and stupid to insist on doing things the right way in our society. In fact, you will be shamed just because you refuse to partake in adding an extra layer of dirt to an already muddy floor. And there are times you will be punished even for not partaking in corruption or malpractice. The rot in the systems gets to even the most righteous of men. But the system is not empty but filled with people who make it so.
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We all cry about Nigeria and the monumental decay facing us on a daily basis, but if we examine ourselves, no matter how little it may seem, we have contributed to the heap of dirt choking us right now. The truth is, it isn’t too late to make a decision to live right, act right and be right, even in the face of pressure, because believe me, you will be tested in this country. But like my mother shares with me, for every time we cut corners, cheat, contribute to oppression or the continuance of injustice, we affect negatively the lives of others, including the ones not yet born. These ‘little’ things don’t end with us alone. We deprive others of goodness and fairness and not just that, we show a lack of respect for ourselves.
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A nicely-structured system of government will still sink with the way we act and live currently. It doesn’t matter the number of times a building is repainted white or some beautiful colours, if the inhabitants are dirty or prone to staining the walls, nothing changes. The paint becomes an eyesore. For a while, everything will appear neat and nice but then it goes back to the mess it once was. This is us as a people.
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Even if we divide Nigeria, the same mindset/attitude clogging progress in the larger form will follow us to the smaller units. It is not largely about the formation or name but about us as a people, starting from our homes and individual corners. Beyond division, our leaders are a reflection of us. We know this. A few ‘good’ ones may get a seat but will eventually become swallowed by everyone else. We perpetuate our miseries.
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We are going to be saddled with making uncomfortable sacrifices if we are going to make progress as a people. Some of us don’t want to hear this. This change we want will tear at us and demand so much from us. We will have to confront our wounds and the many ways we have left it unattended to. And it will start with me, you. No one else but you and I. There is no other way to get it right. We can make all the excuses we want. Excuses will always abound, those are never lacking but on the other side of this is redemption. And it starts with you and me, today.
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My heart bleeds. The rot we are in today was started by one person who gave others the permission to add to it and then a million people later, we are all drowning in it. What does this say? Getting it right has to start with someone (me) too. I refuse to believe that I am helpless. I will keep my corner clean. If this is the only thing I do, it is enough. There is no running away from this any longer. We are out of time already.
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It is not poverty that is our biggest impediment to progress and development in Nigeria. Even those of us who are comfortable still act in worse ways than those who are not. This should tell us something. It is not necessarily poverty of the stomach that dictates our actions but something deeper. This depravity is in our minds. The stomach just latches on it. We have refused to renew our minds and values. We have refused to imbibe the virtues that cause for great societies. We are not out of options on what to do. The question is, what will you do?