The more beautiful your child is the more work you need to raise a wholesome child. Beauty attracts, but when beauty attracts anything to it, it takes character to sustain whatever it attracts.
Growing up, I have and still come in contact with beautiful people—boys, girls, men, and women—with different attributes. They are uniquely and beautifully made by their creator. Well, we are all amazing just the way we are. But I noticed something in common. Character!
Now, I have two quick questions for you:
- How do you feel when you meet a beautiful individual with a beautiful character?
- How do you also feel when you meet a beautiful individual with a terrible character? Answer these questions in your mind as I proceed.
This is not an article of condemnation or abuse, but an article of awareness about the much-needed work we as parents need to do.
I want to emphasize beauty with terrible character. If you haven’t encountered such individuals in your primary school or secondary school, you might have come across them in higher institutions, the corporate world, or even in churches. If you have not had such an experience, that’s great, but this awareness is also for you.
It’s quite disheartening for some individuals to feel that their beauty or handsomeness entitles them to engage in great misconduct. Many times, these individuals look down on people, speak harshly, and exhibit contempt for others, always feeling superior. Some guys intentionally and repeatedly hurt women emotionally, abuse women, take advantage of the attraction they generate, and body shame ladies, to mention a few. I’m sure you can relate if you have been a victim or know a victim.
Now, if you have ever wondered why some beautiful people lack character, I have a few answers for you. Often as parents, we focus more on the outward appearance of our children, neglecting their inner development. Outward here encompasses physical appearance and academic performance, while inward encompasses values, emotions, attitudes, and beliefs.
Most of us are more concerned with ensuring our children have the best grades in school, wear the best outfits, style their hair perfectly, or have the best shoes. All of these are good, but without values and good character, they make no sense really. When all we do is dress up our children and make them believe the world revolves around their appearance, they will treat the world poorly. And guess what? Parents are the first recipients of their children’s behavior, good or bad.
Teach your child to greet, teach your child to compliment, and appreciate people. Teach your child compassion and giving. Teach your child self-control. It all starts from there. Imagine how amazing it would be to have a beautiful child whose character is worthy of emulation. You can’t surpass such a child. Favor will always follow the child, doors will open for him, and he will be surrounded by many good things because of his aura of good character.
However, when we focus solely on our child’s appearance without instilling the necessary values, the child becomes “vainglorious.” Of course, there are exceptions to all of these, but we are addressing those with such behavior.
The purpose of this article is to get our children to be values aligned. When they are values aligned, they won’t grow up to be adults who:
- Disregard their parents
- Lack respect
- Body shame women
- Lacks compassion or empathy
- Lacks discipline and self-control
- Is intentionally breaking someone’s heart, feeling a sense of pride and bravery
- Takes advantage of others
- Display aggression in their actions
- Cannot control their sexual urges
- Treat others as nobodies, feeling superior.
- Face the consequences of wrong choices later in life, and so on.
Let me share this story with you. Well, this might not be your case, you might have a different case altogether, but be wise enough to fix it and balance the behavior.
My only daughter Princess Light -as we fondly call her- 5yrs, is a calm and beautiful baby girl. Each time she woke up in the morning, her dad and I would run to her, hug her, kiss her on her cheek, and sing for her. My one and only daughter, my smart Princess and Angel, my beautiful damsel, achalugo nwanyi, tomatoe Jos, and the likes of them. You know what I mean. We took delight in doing that, a behavior we thought was good behavior until Princess Light stopped greeting us. Her elder brothers, Dominion and Excellence will wake up in the morning and come to us and greet us respectfully, but not Princess Light.
We realized how ignorantly our show of affection communicated the wrong values to her, so we started teaching our daughter intentionally to balance her behavior. Sometimes she would wake up and come to the room, frowning her face and staring at us without saying a word, probably waiting for us to greet her or start praising her but we never did. We would rather look away or into a book. While her dad and I were teaching her, it was difficult for Light to greet her parents, but we continued until there was a change in behavior.
I am not saying that affirming your child, calling her sweet names, and singing for her isn’t good, but when it generates this type of vibe like my daughters’, then you must stop to balance it. We discovered she was not showing basic respect and we ignorantly overlooked it until it became a worry and we had to fix it. We stopped all those until she started greeting everybody in the house, everyone! Right now, we are at liberty to say those beautiful words to her, because her behavior is balanced.
Hey parents! It’s time to become more values aligned. We need to strike a balance in raising our children wholesomely. Beauty is great, but without good character, it is destructive. Our children depend on us to show them the way. It is our sole responsibility as parents or caregivers to lead these innocent children onto the right path. Often, parents are unaware of these occurrences and their significant consequences. It’s time to gain knowledge and parenting skills. Let’s guide our children properly. Strike a balance today! Beauty, brains, and good character is the way it should go!
I hope this helps a parent out there.
Much love,
~Sandra Ani.